Forgiveness

Forgiveness, the final step in the gift-of-anger process, has received a lot of attention in the last ten years, and its definition has changed over time. What does forgiveness mean now?  Is forgiveness truly possible?  How can it be beneficial to you?

In The Gift of Anger, forgiveness has a 3-part definition.  Forgiveness means that:

1. You’ve reached the point where you accept the reality of what 
 happened and can describe the incident without feeling a further surge
 of anger.
 

2. You recognize and claim your healing and growth that you’ve
 accomplished from working with and through the upsetting experience.
 

3. You sincerely wish healing and growth for the other person, whether 
 or not you choose to have a relationship with this person.

Notice that this definition of forgiveness does not mean that you condone behavior that seems negative in any way.  Nor does forgiveness ask you to continue a relationship that seems unhealthy, or say words of forgiveness that you are not fully ready to say.

As The Gift of Anger explains, forgiveness is the natural outcome of working with your anger to reveal its gifts of wisdom, healing, and growth. Your forgiveness results from:

• Uncovering the real reason for your anger.
• Taking steps to meet your deepest need.
• Understanding some of the other person’s limitations.
• Feeling truly ready to move beyond the upsetting incident so that you can more freely move ahead with your life.

When you have completed the first 6 steps in the 7-step, gift-of-anger process, forgiveness becomes the automatic, last step – the final act of setting yourself free from the negative experience.  Doing so may benefit the other person, but much more, it is a gift of freedom that you give to yourself.  

When you are ready to forgive, you might choose to follow the Forgiveness Script found on this website.